I will never forget the day I learned of your arrival.  My life was forever changed. I was flooded with so many emotions within seconds.  I was overcome with disbelief and shock when the doctor told me I was pregnant. Then as I saw you on the monitor, tears welled up in my eyes as there was no denying, you were now a part of me.  In a matter of seconds, I became consumed with so many emotions; immense love, joy, feeling of overwhelm and fear.  

You were the child I was far too afraid to hope for.  I had convinced myself that I was a boy’s mom. I had no business raising a girl.  Mostly because raising a girl came with enormous responsibility and also because my own mother had wished me a daughter like myself.  Which if we’re being honest, I wasn’t an easy daughter to raise. These days, your two brothers can make some days feel like I’m already outnumbered and hard to feel like I’m being the best mom I can be.   I sometimes wonder how much more I could take on with you joining our family and be the type of mom you all deserve and I want to be.  

When you become a parent, you finally realize and understand the guilt that is often talked about.  With your brothers, that guilt came after they were born. But with you, that guilt started almost immediately.  

You are coming at a time when mommy is starting a new business.  It’s a dream that has been over a year in the making and it finally came to fruition just as we learned about your impending arrival.  And in truth, I’m doing it just as much for you and your brothers as I am for me. But this means, Mommy’s time is even more limited. I wondered if I had enough space to connect with you.  My days were filled with work, family, house, and then the business. There has been very little time for me to breath and just be with you, but you’ve shown your presence for the past five months.  It’s in every movement you make, every burn I feel in my chest, and every time I catch a glimpse of you in my reflection. A friend reminded me that you have literally been with me along every step in this journey to open House Of Playful Soul.  Perspective is everything. So here is my promise to you. I promise you that you are my priority. I am not perfect and there may be moments that distract me because that is life, but I will always come back to you.  

I also worry about the type of relationship we’ll have given I wasn’t particularly close to my mother growing up.  We struggled to understand and communicate with one another. We were living in a clash of cultures. She spent her early life growing up in Vietnam.  She grew up in a small village, only getting up to an 8th grade education, because her job was to help take care of her 12 siblings so her parents could work and provide for the family until she was old enough to be married.  I had only known life in America. I craved to share in the same experiences of my peers like playing sports and having friendships outside of school. These were foreign concepts to my mother and it created a constant battle between us.  It wasn’t until I was in college that I began to appreciate my mother and clearly see her challenges, struggles, and compromises to provide for us. She had a lot of pain in her life and yet I always remember my mother smiling. I lost my mother far too early.  I was only 27 years old. There was still so much I needed to learn to know her. I’ve often heard that you are a product of your upbringing. What would this mean for our relationship? So this is my promise to you. I promise to work hard to listen first. This doesn’t mean that I will always like what you have to say or agree with your viewpoints.  I will listen first so that we can have conversations that allow for understanding and connection.

It goes without saying that I want to protect you from the evils of the world and teach you how to be a strong independent woman.  Today’s world is no kinder to women than when I was growing up. I’m grateful that we live in a country that offers